Joe Arpaio, Longtime Maricopa County Sheriff, Faces 2 Challengers Who See Opening To Take Him Down
Good luck Sheriff Joe, your my hero as I wish my state had someone as badass as you
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
The Donkey Report
The World According to Donkey Punch
Kony 2012, Awareness, and THARCE-Gulu
To get Kony you need to bait him with something he can not resist, like a fat juicy welfare check
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
The Donkey Report is a Friend of Israel
With so much Israel related shit going on in the news that I feel its my turn to say my feelings and they are that I and The Donkey Report support Israel. With AIPAC and Israeli President Shimon Peres coming to my town of Palo Alto (suck it church fuckers and your dirt towns) to praise Facebook and its awesomeness.
So why do I support Israel? To support Israel is a lot like supporting America since their both the same. You see Israel is like America only smaller and surrounded by a ton Mexico’s that are lazy and like to blame their problem on the more successful country. But rather than sending truck loads of slackers wanting a hand out, they send terrorists to cause trouble. Sadly Israel has no Canada unless you wanna count Jordan.
One would think that 50 years of having your ass handed to you would teach the Palestinians and Arabs a lesson regarding messing with Israel. But noooooooooooo they just breed more terrorists and are surprised when the USA has to take them down a notch. You see Israel has been fighting terrorists long before America thought it was cool, so they the experts.
This whole Mid-East thing could easily be solved if Israel just annex the West Bank and Gaza while giving those free loaders called Palestinians the ultimatum of either get out or stop being either ghetto or terrorist. Because obviously blowing up school buses dose don’t give you a welfare check.
Palestine people should be thankful that Israel liberated them from tyranny and now if only they just try and modernize as oppose to living like savages than maybe they could build an economy which would produce real jobs as oppose to terrorizing Israelis for welfare. Holding on to these savage traditions will not solve the Palestinian’s problem, only adopting Western values will free them from these ghettos they have made.
Israel is a progressive society that is a shiny example of Western achievement as oppose to Palestinian achievements in terrorism and being savages. Also Israeli women are hot vs all the rag wearing fatties in Gaza (its a land of Alejandrina Cabrera). Even their army chicks are hot, check it out;
The Academy Awards has a feminist bias
The Academy Awards is suppose to be a way for the best movies to be recognized but instead it has become a launching platform for Hollywood to promote its liberal agenda down our throats. Case in point is its feminist bias in nominating Bridesmaids for two Oscars.
So what is wrong with having Bridesmaid nominated for a few Oscars? Because the Oscars refused the same honor for The Hangover when their basically the same movie. The only difference is Bridesmaid is stuffed with wine and queef jokes vs. The Hangover and its bromance comedy(some snoobs may call it beer and fart jokes).
This is typical of Hollywood trying to force its liberal views on us normal Americans who enjoy beer, hot chicks and fart jokes. Sorry but 99% of the human race thinks gay marriage and womens humor (aka vagina jokes) are boring. You make a movie about gay marriage and most people will fall sleep with in the first 5 minutes, yet nobody ever falls asleep during a James Bond movie but its has not won an Oscar.
Worse is the Oscar is being awarded to the fat chick, hence this makes this bigger liberal progressive issue. Bridesmaids is getting an Oscar because of its about a fat chick and her wine and queef jokes.
I need to know why do liberal snoobs think beer and fart jokes are low brow but wine and queef jokes are very progressive? Is it because it all involves a fat chick! The only thing vagina is good for is me putting my dick in it and busting a fat load. I bet if Bridesmaids was about women making Zach Galifianakis a sandwich they would have hated it.
I bet liberal film snoobs would have loved The Hangover had it all been a about gay marriage. Had the movie focused on a gay wedding with the cast going to Napa Vally for a weekend of wine and queef jokes than those snoobs at the Academy Award would praise it as a “progressive work of art worthy of every award”.
Its times like these that I miss when the Academy Awards honored good films like The Departed and No Country for Old Men. But this year it has gone back to its sissy era when movies like Shakespeare in Love are Oscar worthy. Fuck this!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alejandrina Cabrera tried again (and failed)
Alejandrina Cabrera tried again to get her fat ass on the ballot for city council in some shit-hole town in Arizona that is located next to the border.
But like every other court; the Arizona Supreme Court ruled since her dumb-ass can’t speak English, her fat ass can’t be on the ballot.
First I have to ask why hasn’t Sheriff Joe Arpaio knocked down the door and dragged her illegal fat-ass across the border were it belongs. In fact if Sheriff Joe Arpaio did his job right, their would be no language divide in San Lusis. Problem is you need a tank to drag her ass plus her fat ass could cause a horrible famine in Mexico for years to come.
Alejandrina Cabrera would not have this problem she actually learned the damn language. But no she is so stupid that she thought it was unnecessary just like how she thought it would be a good idea to be a mother at age 14. Yeah good job Alejandrina Cabrera, your one real rocket scientist.
Plus who would want to vote for her? She is so hideous that the amount of whiskey needed to make her attractive would even kill Charlie Sheen. This is why parents need to abort their stupid kids before shit like this happens.
Here are some of anti-Alejandrina Cabrera chants that should be used by her opponents:
- 73% of all food stamps in San Luis is used to feed Alejandrina Cabrera fat-ass
- Alejandrina Cabrera is so ugly, the amount of alcohol required to make her attractive would even kill Charlie Sheen
- Alejandrina Cabrera is so fat, she can’t tell if she is squeezing out pop or another baby
- Alejandrina Cabrera is so dumb, she dropped out of kindergarten
- Alejandrina Cabrera is ugly that her picture is declared a WMD (because its boner poison)
So to end another rant about Alejandrina Cabrera, I have collected photos of the hottest female politicians just to show that we never have to settle for ugly ones. While divers they all have something in common. They went to college (unlike Alejandrina Cabrera GED), they know their native language (unlike Alejandrina Cabrera), and they did not get knocked up at age 14 (unlike Alejandrina Cabrera).
Eva Kaili - A member of the Greek Parliament
Yulia Tymoshenko - Former Prime Minister of Ukraine
Alina Kabaeva - Member of the Russian Duma
Vera Lischka - Member of Austrian Parliament
Pamela Geller - Conservative poltical activist and hot MILF
For $100,000: I Will Bang Karen Handel
Everyone knows who Karen Handel; it was her dumb idea to have Susan G Komen defund Planned Parenthood (saving my ass from unwanted pregnancy for ages) because they provide abortions. Well of cores everyone got all up in arms so Susan Komen backed off and Karen Handel quit.
Who can blame her; I mean look at Karen Handel she is M.I.L.F. age yet looks too much like Rosie O’Donnell. She is obviously jealous of women who are getting more dick than her. Everyday she is craving it but because of her looks no man is getting drunk to bang her.
It has to be hard being at her age and looking like Rosie O’Donnell while other M.I.L.F.’s are out getting laid or posting pics of them selves online for dudes to bate too.
So I will offer Karen Handel this, for $100,000 I will bang her every night for a week and with that price tag it will include all needed stuff – by “needed stuff” I mean condoms and booze (can’t do this sober). Best of all she will not have to wear a paper bag over her head during the banging.
Now this is a real hot MILF
Here are some things about me:
- I’m a stud
- I’m rich
- I have a 15inch penis
- I’m a master banger
- I could go all weekend
- I could do it asleep
- I could do it blacked out
- I could do it while playing Modern Warfare 3
Oh and any unwanted pregnancy must be aborted. And After each banging I need an hour break to piss, drink beer and play Modern Warfare 3.
Who Gives A Shit About Maldives
For this entire week; some dud becoming president of Maldives has been on the front page of Wikipedia’s and now I just have to ask – who gives a shit! Let me give you some time think on this …………………………………?
Ok – Seriously, why has this nothing been on the front page of Wikipedia, and you elite liberals cry when celebrity news is being reported 24/7. At least celebrities do something also the Kardashian’s are hot unlike Maldives which is totally useless and I bet the women are fat or ugly.
Just find Maldives on the map, its a bunch of islands that are south of India . No its not like the Caribbean with nice beaches or Cuba with a dictator. Their economy is based on being convenient for India to dump their crap. So basically they are the Mexico of India (which alone is an oxymoron).
Hell this regime change is the result of a coup in which the army nagged the President into leaving and replacing him with the only person on the island with a PhD. Because they think that just like in Idocracy, the only smart guy available could solve their problem.
Yes I called Maldives and island of idiots; but given they only have 1 person with a PhD its safe to say the highest degree anyone can get is a GED and they think computers are portable porn stores – LOL
Other more important shit that happen:
- Giants winning the Super Bowel (lame but 10X more awesome than Maldives)
- A fatty cancer chick quits her job at Susan Komen
- Danny Clyburn dies
- I banged a Russian Chick (awesome)
- Mitt Romney related shit
- OJ could be the father of a Kardashian
So Wikipedia try and make more important shit appear on your front page.
Cut Welfare Not Cops
In this hard economic times it makes sense to make a few cut backs, yet its better to cut shit that is unnecessary rather than stuff that are important. But no; local governments have been cutting fire and law enforcement services non-stop at the expense of us hard working honest people.
But …… (this is very important to note) they have refused to cut or make any useful reforms to welfare.
So how is a service that is beneficial to the lazy, junkies, criminals, and useless members of society more important than a service that protects an entire community? Also I have the right to call welfare recipients “junkies” since all you liberals are opposed to drug testing them before they get their check.
Cops do good for a society, they keep our asses safe while locking up or shooting all the bad guys. Plus they have all that kick ass gear that keep us safe from junkies, thugs, and terrorists. Plus 99% of all cops are total bad asses like:
- John McClane
- Max Payne
- SWAT
- Axel Foley
- RoboCop
- Jack Bauer
- Starsky & Hutch
Now name one kick-ass welfare recipient? You can’t cause none exists. Most of them are bony or toothless junkies whiling to voluntarily have sex with anything for money. Even the Chick Cops are super hot and the uniform with the tactical gear and gun makes them X10 hotter and awesome (epically Russia); again better than some ugly welfare queen. Also most welfare queens are such boner poison that a picture of them should be legally declared a WMD for what it can do to your boner.
Without cops; am I expected to buy why own gun and go Charles Bronson on any thug who tries to harm me? Actually that is a real kickass idea, buy myself a Colt M1911 and blast any thug who fucks with me in the pecker. Hence I robbed them of their manhood – LOL. It will be so bad ass that I will have the safest neighborhood thanks to my Charles Bronson skills.
However some liberal hippie will say that those junkies have a right to break into my house and take my shit because of some bullshit regarding race & unequal distribution of wealth. To that I say fuck it – my going Charles Bronson on some thug is a more rational solution than the hippie idea of being nice to criminals and cutting law enforcement.
However; I’m to lazy to wanna fill out all those socialist paperwork to get a gun so I need cops to do the all the needed Charles Bronson shit for me. Besides why is it so difficult to get a gun but any junkie can go on welfare? If a gun has to be hard to get, than so should welfare.
At least high gun ownership would improve the safety of a community as oppose to high welfare. So their is actually a good solution – abolish welfare. If the state abolishes welfare than crime will drop since all the criminals will starve and die off. My idea has killed an ass load of birds with one stone. But we still need cops for other shit.
Point is; cut or abolish welfare, not law enforcement!
Patriots Lost – LAME!
Fuck…………….
I just lost some good money by betting on the Patriots; I thought they had a good chance after putting that sissy Tim Tebow in his place. All the Giants did was beat the 49ers (something any team can do). Damn I wish I was with Charlie Sheen right now just so he could better help me deal with this pain.
Well back to a boring normal life of hot chicks beer.
I’m (The Donkey Report) Growing
Thank You Readers
Because of you, The Donkey Report is growing in popularity. Google the phrase “The Donkey Report” and I’m #3 followed by some article from AlterNet (some hippie news outlet) and The Donkey Sanctuary. I know given some time and a lot more awesomeness; The Donkey Report will take the #1 spot and grow to become one of the biggest sources for all things kick-ass.
I will continue to focus on kick ass stuff like:
* Video Games
* Hot Chicks
* Charlie Sheen
* Beer
* Cars
* Guns
But for now its fucking Saturday so lets enjoy this victory.
As for tomorrows game – GO PATRIOTS
About Me
I (Donkey Punch) am an awesome guy who kicks ass and loves to hate on stuff.
